Stinking Name Game
For you music fans, I just want you to know that Nasal Ranger did not sing “Sister Christian.” Nor were Kemosabe and Tonto involved.
It was Night Ranger.
Nasal Ranger is the name of a device Grand Island spent $1,500 on to determine if pockets of our fair burg smell.
Hell, I’d do it for half that. With a schnozzola my size I can locate and determine odors quite well. It’s a gift.
And a curse. But that’s another post.
The Nasal Ranger is the city’s latest effort to stanch the stink that makes parts of G.I. barely breathable. Of course, when you pile poop high and deep, you can’t expect a bed of roses. The compost pile at the Wasterwater Treatment Plant has been shoveled into trucks and sent to the landfill.
The city wants to try a new process that aerates the sludge and then captures the odor in tubes.
Ergo, the Nasal Ranger to see if the experiment is working.
I’m telling you, this is technology where man has already tread … and gagged.
Here’s my question: Can you imagine a group of well-paid people sitting in a room trying to come up with a name for this smellometer?
And if Nasal Ranger was the winner, what were the names that didn’t make the cut: The Earl of Effluvium? The Sultan Of Stench? Nose Daddy? Proboscis Patroller? Beak Police? Whiffer Warrior? Nostril Narc? Olfactory Officer? Snot SWAT? Adenoid Bobby? The Long Sinus Cavity of the Law?