Dance With Me Here
In a moment of weakness I looked over the top of my magazine to see Jerry Rice, former heavenly wide receiver in the NFL descending into television hell called “Dancing With the Stars,” an endless hour or so of glitter and gasping.
I was the one gasping.
Don’t get me wrong. I like dancing. I even went to see “Shall We Dance,” a semi-forgetable Richard Gere feature. The dancing was very hot, however.
The reason I needed oxygen was the star turn. Rice wasn’t bad, nor was the female wrestler and the journalist. But the rest of the “stars,” well … at least they looked pretty good.
My very wise wife told me to lighten up.
I tried.
But that was before the ice storm hit.
Apparently Fox will start airing something called “Skating with Celebrities.” That’s right six “skating super stars” — you would have to point them out to me — will be paired with Dave Coulier, the funny guy from “Full House,” Olympian Bruce Jenner, Todd Bridges from “Different Strokes” by way of a series of courtrooms, actress Kristy Swanson, singer Deborah Gibson and TV “personality,” Jillian Barberie. Yeah, I never heard of the last three either.
Well, good luck with that.
Personally I can’t wait for “Open Heart Surgery With the Stars,” where, in the series’ first episode, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are teamed with two famous cardiologists to see who can tie those arteries off first.
Stay tuned right after OHSWTS for “Crossover Appeal Celebrity Engineering,” during which Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Justin Timberlake are teamed with three MIT grads in a race to see who can design and build a new tower Donald Trump will accept and use next season’s “Apprentice.”